Leaving: it’s not you, it’s me
I promise I will miss you, immensely.
I love my family. I love the small group of high quality friendships I’ve nurtured over the years. My hometown is the only tiny area of the world I’ve ever lived in… for nearly thirty years. Walking away from all of you isn’t going to be easy.
When my fiancé and I officially decided we wanted to move several provinces away, I felt excitement and butterflies in my stomach. This was soon replaced with the sensation of a boulder in my gut leading up to breaking the news to you, the people I love. People who, for years, I’ve been able to visit on a whim in a mere five minutes for simply a hug. Even after sharing the news the awful sensation has lingered, out of the sense of disappointing you and knowing how much we will miss each other. It was not an easy conversation to have, but it needed to happen. I’m sorry for all the tears I’ve caused you, mom.
It’s hard to explain why I feel such a strong desire, even need, to move away. It’s even harder to explain how the amount that I love you doesn’t have anything to do with it. If I could have my way, I would transplant all of you with us so we can build our life in our ideal surroundings with everyone we love most. But that’s just not realistic. So a choice had to be made. While I do belong with all of you, I don’t belong here. You, my family and friends, are the only thing tying me to this location.
I promise, it’s not that you aren’t enough, it’s that I am enough. I am choosing myself, and I hope you know, or will come to understand, that in the process I will never stop loving you or keeping you close to my heart.
It’s not you, it’s me.
